Bleeding Out
by lexie823
Summary: First attempt at fanfic. This is just something that has been floating around in my head about Lyatt. Focuses on Lucy's POV during the events of episodes 2.3 through 2.5. Angsty. I have a couple of ideas on Wyatt's POV for these same episoded so there might be a second chapter.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm bleeding out_

 _Said if it's the last thing that I do_

 _Is to bring you down_

 _I'll bleed out for you._

Imagine Dragons

Lucy's POV

Bleeding out. That's what this feels like. _"Jessica's back."_ Hearing the joy in Wyatt's voice as he explained why he broke out of the bunker, left me. I should have known. And then best friend Lucy takes over and I'm telling him that I'm happy for him. And I am. I am happy for him. I want Wyatt to get what he wants. I just want that to be me not Jessica.

" _Yeah but you and me…"_ in that rough husky tone that I have come to love. Wyatt, was there ever really a you and me or was I just a placeholder? Something that you could have when you couldn't have her. I thought so but then you just left.

" _Wyatt this is a good thing. What you've always wanted."_ And best friend Lucy is back breaking my own heart.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bleeding out. Returning from Salem, stepping out of the Lifeboat and seeing Wyatt. Meeting his blue eyes. Seeing the fear and concern and something that almost looked like love held there. Wanting to run to him. Have him hold me. Let Wyatt make me feel safe. Take away the anguish of my mother accusing me of witchcraft, the feeling of the noose around my neck and the knife in my arm. But then he looks back and I look up and there she is - Jessica.

Oh God, Jessica! I can't move. Just stand there frozen barely breathing. No thoughts just my heart bleeding out at Wyatts feet. And so I let Flynn put his arms around me and lead me down the stairs to safety away from them. It's not like I could feel anything else but pain. What harm could leaning on Flynn do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bleeding out. _"Wyatt"_ Surfacing to find Jiya gazing at me with pity. Explaining that Wyatt and the team had jumped. _"Without me?"_ Am I so easy to replace? I know I'm not what he wants for his personal life, his future, but I thought he still needed me for missions. Thought that at least we'd still have that. One area where Wyatt was only mine, not shared with Jessica.

" _What about what you want?"_ Jiya gently probes at my reasoning for letting go. For surrendering Wyatt to his wife without a fight.

Wyatt. What I want is Wyatt but that's what I can't have. Can't say that. Can't tell my friend Jiya because Jiya would tell Rufus. Rufus would yell at Wyatt. Or if not yell, Rufus would glare at him and make comments under his breath until Wyatt forced it out of him so… Nope. Can't say that.

" _I'm fine."_ Even though we both know that's not really true.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bleeding out. _"Hey, hey, you feeling any better?"_ And there's that look. Blue eyes all troubled and concerned and caring.

No. No, I'm not fine. I'm not fine because finally, finally you moved on. You saw me not her. We made love. And then you left without a word the moment she called. So no, I'm not fine. For just a moment, I allow myself to imaging telling him. Seeing those blue eyes flash with just a tiny bit of the hurt I'm feeling but then … Jessica.

" _I'm fine"_ and walk away before he can see just how not fine I really am.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bleeding out. _"She's just a teacher"_ and so I force myself to go along on the search. I know I'm not really physically up to it. Not healed from that Puritan's knife. But I can't bear the idea that she could encroach on our area. Certainly not that Jessica could share an aspect of a mission that was Wyatt's and mine, at least not without me along. And so now I'm here. Walking into the hospital with Wyatt and Jessica feeling like a third wheel.

" _I remember that you never left my side. You slept in that uncomfortable chair for days. I remember that."_ Hearing them talk about Wyatt's poor record as a surfer. I didn't even know that he surfed. Watching as they exchange a look ripe with a lifetime of shared memories, of love, laughter, and a life together. How could I compete with that.

All my life never really good enough to me wanted for what I am. My mother wanted a Rittenhouse princess. Someone who would fall in line. Marry and breed where ordered. Noah wanted? I don't know what the hell Noah wanted but it wasn't me, not the real me. Wyatt - that was easy. He wanted Jessica.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bleeding out. _"The way Wyatt looked at you."_ The hurt on Jessica's face. Oh God! I can't have this conversation. Not now. I'm so not ready for this conversation. That's why I've been avoiding Jessica. I don't want to have to discuss Wyatt with her. Or watch her with Wyatt. But Jessica just keeps talking.

" _I get it. He thought I was dead. It's not like he was faithful to me before. I don't know why he'd be failhful to me now."_ Well isn't that a punch in the gut. Not faithful? Wyatt loved Jessica beyond measure. If anyone knows that it's me. How could he possibly have been unfaithful? Would Wyatt have been unfaithful to me? Nope, not going there. Just not. And Jessica just won't shut up. Why won't she shut up.

" _Yesterday I was ready to divorce him"_ I don't want to hear this. Yet I can't crush the little flash of joy that her words bring. A brief leap of the heart, a moment of hope.

" _And after seeing him like this I thought maybe he's right. Maybe he does deserve a second chance, but - I don't think I'm the one he should be getting that chance with."_ What? _"Tell him I said bye. Okay?"_ Yes, I'll tell him. I barely bit back the words. I almost did it. Almost let her walk away. And then I imagine the look on Wyatt's face when I told him that Jessica left. That she wanted a divorce. Everything that I could possibly dream of. But I can't cause him that much pain. Jessica is all Wyatt has ever wanted. And all I've ever wanted is for him to be happy. To lose that look of guilt and pain that he always has. The look that I thought he lost with me. Oh Hell. If I can't be what Wyatt wants then at least I do my best to give him what he does want.

" _Jessica wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Just don't leave yet."_ And I tell Jessica all of it. How Wyatt sent her a telegram from the past. How he stole the Lifeboat to prevent her killer's parents from ever meeting. She still doesn't look convinced. Damn that little voice in my head telling me to keep talking. Spurring me on to break my own heart. I can do it. I can convince my lover's wife not to leave him.

" _My point is … Even though you weren't there, you were always on Wyatt's mind. He risked his job, his freedom, everything because he never stopped loving you. Not for a second. And all he wants, all that he has wanted, is a chance to show you that."_ And all I've ever wanted is to tell Wyatt that I love him & hear that he loves me but that won't happen. All I can do is show him by making sure that Jessica doesn't leave.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bleeding out. Those arms wrapped around me. Steadying me. Holding me however briefly. Something I never thought I'd feel again. I have to get out of here. I can't …

" _Lucy, thank you."_ No, no, no! I can't do this now.

" _Jessica's giving me a second chance and she said it was cause of you."_ You weren't supposed to know that. Why couldn't Jessica keep her damn mouth shut. Seems to be a real problem with her. He's so earnest. I can't believe he's thanking me for this. Damn idiot. How can he not see, not know, I don't want his gratitude. I want his love. Stupidly I hear myself mumbling something about the history he and Jessica have and how he deserves to be happy.

Stop. Don't keep walking towards me. Don't look at me like that.

" _I have no regrets."_

" _Me neither."_ Liar. All I have are regrets. That I didn't tell you that I loved you. That we didn't have more time. That I didn't fight for you. That I believed that you could really want me.


	2. And What Was Right Is Wrong

_Author's Note: So Wyatt's POV was way harder for me to write. Lucy isn't in a good place but her motivations are much more clear. Lucy wants Wyatt. If she can't have him she wants him to be happy and will do whatever she can to make sure that he is happy. Wyatt on the other hand, in my opinion, is all over the place. His head is a mess. On top of the PTSD, he loves one woman and is in-love with another. He believes in the institution of marriage & he has spent years wishing he could get Jessica back and feeling guilty for her death. I think Wyatt's grief allowed him to view his marriage through rose colored glasses after Jessica's murder and now that she is back there is a conflict between memory and reality. He's happy that Jessica is back but is in-love with Lucy. Lucy is as much of a grounding force for Wyatt as he is for her. He has guilt over his treatment of both women, some anger at the situation, and perhaps a bit of jealousy tossed in. Not to mention the fact that he really wants to have his cake and eat it too._

 _For this chapter I am focusing mostly on Wyatt's feelings towards/about Lucy. If people are interested, I am considering doing another chapter on Wyatt's feelings towards/about Jessica. I also have a couple ideas on Jessica's POV. She is, for the moment, an innocent pawn in all of this (didn't deserve to die, didn't deserve to be resurrected by Rittenhouse only to come back to a husband that is in-love with someone else) and I think she deserves her say._

 _So I bare my skin_

 _And I count my sins_

Imagine Dragons

The Lifeboat doors slowly opens and the wait seems eternal until she steps out. Lucy looks up and meets my gaze. In that instant I know something is terribly wrong. For a moment it's like we're back in Hollywood in 1941 in Heddy's guest house. No barriers between us and I can see everything she is thinking and feeling in her beautiful expressive eyes. Love. Hurt. Pain. Fear. Confusion. Lucy looks so lost. And then the barriers slam down and I feel a wave of panic rush through me. Her eyes help me find my center. What will I do if she keeps that wall between us? I don't think I can handle that and so I'm starting up the stairs ready to take Lucy in my arms. Take away her pain. Shield her from harm. And then she looks behind me and freezes. I turn around to see what has caused this, because I can't imagine anything that would make her act like this, and I see what Lucy sees. Jessica, my wife. How could I forget my wife? Her being back is all I've ever wanted.

Then I look back at Lucy and start to head up the stairs anyway and Flynn steps out. Steps up to Lucy and puts his arms around her. For a minute I feel like I've been stabbed, the pain in my heart is that sharp followed by rage. How dare he touch her, hold her. He has no right. That's my job. Flynn let her get injured. How can he possibly think that he can still act like her protector. From the look Flynn shoots me, it's clear he thinks that he is protecting Lucy from me. He helps her down the stairs, supporting her, leading her away from me. So I bare my skin, straighten & turn back to the woman I chose, fully feeling the weight of this decision for the first time. I realized that I caused this. All of it. My team having to jump with that psycho. Lucy's injury. Her pain. That lost expression in her eyes. The wall she erected between us. And I count my sins. I have so many sins, especially where Lucy is concerned. And they all start to flash through my mind. All the ways that I have failed her.

XXXXXXXXXXX

And I count my sins.

" _Maybe I do need to be open to possibilities."_

" _Possibilities of what?"_

" _I don't know. I just know I'm not really ready to say goodbye yet."_

Possibilities. Almost sounds like promises. Promises I realize now that I wanted to make but I was just to chicken-shit to voice them. Not quite ready to admit to myself, let alone to Lucy, what I felt but unable to let her walk away from me. But then, once I got her back, I still didn't tell her.

XXXXXXXXXXX

And I count my sins.

" _You haven't lost me."_

I finally found her. Rescued her from Rittenhouse, her mother (guess they're one and the same), and that psycho-bitch Emma. Holding her in my arms I feel like I can start to breathe again. Six weeks without Lucy. Not knowing if she was alive or dead. I nearly lost my mind. I don't think I could have survived if I she died. I'm barely coping after watching Lucy shut herself away from me, even with Jess by my side.

How messed up is that? I think that finding Lucy in that tent in the middle of a battlefield in France is the happiest moment in my life. Jessica is alive. The thing that I have wanted and dreamed of for so long finally happens, it should be my happiest moment, seeing her in that bar, but it isn't. The joy and elation that I felt at Jess' return is tempered with the weight of loss, sorrow, guilt, jealousy, and anger. Sorrow that Lucy walked away from me, wouldn't accept my comfort. The loss of Lucy's love. Jealousy that Flynn gets to touch & hold her when I still feel like that should be me. Anger, at Flynn for letting her get hurt and for doing what I cannot. Anger at Jessica for coming back now that I'd finally moved on. Anger at Lucy for being her brilliant, beautiful, clumsy, funny, sexy, & irresistible self and making me love her. Anger at myself for … so many things. I promised Lucy that she wouldn't lose me and then I abandoned her.

XXXXXXXXXX

And I count my sins.

" _You saved my life you know… After Jessica died I just sort of stopped caring. Not now."_

Taking Lucy in my arms. Kissing her like I'd been dreaming of. Stripping that white gown from her beautiful body. Seeing Lucy laid out before me in nothing but that gold necklace looking like a pagan goddess, firelight dancing along her body. Feeling her silky skin. Her soft sighs. Hearing her moan my name. Losing myself in her warmth. Making promises with my body. Promises that she was my future. Promises that I'm breaking.

XXXXXXXXXX

And I count my sins.

" _Can we just forget about Flynn for like a minute because we have each other? Don't we?_

" _Yes"_

I can still feel the stupid grin that was on my face. God, I was so damn happy I was giddy. Joking about us already living together. Getting ready to draw her in for another kiss. Wondering if I can persuade Lucy to sneak off to my room so we can continue where we left off the night before. I feel a vibration and pull out my phone & look down at the text I just received from a dead woman.

" _I'll… I'll be right back"_

And then I break out of the bunker without a second thought. The only thing in my mind was Jess. Didn't tell anyone, most importantly didn't tell Lucy, where I went. Just left.

XXXXXXXXXX

And I count my sins.

" _Jessica's alive"_

I finally answered Lucy's call and those were almost the first words out of my mouth. No thought for her feelings. Talking to the woman I made love to again and again just the night before. Pouring out all my joy and confusion about Jessica being back and the state of my marriage to Lucy because I tell Lucy everything. I don't know how to make sense of things without her. God, I really am an insensitive bastard. I needed Lucy to center me so I could figure this out. We'd been talking for several minutes, Lucy telling me how happy she was for me. Doing her best to encourage me that I could make this, my marriage, work. Despite however bad a husband that Jess' Wyatt had been that I could show her that I was a different man. That I could have a second chance to prove to Jess that I could be a good husband. It occurs to me that it's probably a real dick move to have your current lover give you advice on how to win your wife back.

' _Yeah by you and me …Lucy I'm so sorry"_

You and me. Us. All those promises made with my lips, my hands, my body. Turns out they weren't really promises after all because my wife is back. God it felt like my heart was bleeding out. We just got together. We only had one night. This shouldn't be so hard. My wife is back and I know what I have to do. What I want to do. But those promises, I'm really afraid I still mean them but I can't tell Lucy that. So I let her believe that she was second best. A placeholder for the one I really wanted. The amount of contempt and self loathing I have for myself can't be measured. Maybe Flynn was right to lead Lucy away from me. I don't deserve her.

XXXXXXXXXX

 _But innocence is gone_

 _And what was right is wrong_

Imagine Dragons

And what was right is wrong.

Lucy's ill. Seriously ill. The knife wound she got from some crazed Puritan back in 1692 is infected. Her fever is 105 and she's delirious or so I hear. Jiya, Rufus, Agent Christopher, and Flynn, damn him, have been taking turns watching her, trying to keep her cool. I don't go near her. Lucy's room is the only place I want to be but I'm afraid if I allow myself to go see her I'll kick everyone else out and never leave. And that's not something I can do. Instead I spend my time with Jess. Getting to know this version of her. Mostly enjoying noting the new things about her and delighting in the shared happy memories of our past. If I happen to have a little nagging voice in the back of my mind saying that this isn't where I should be, I ignore it.

Then the alarm blares. The Mothership has jumped. I don't want to go. Don't want to leave while Lucy is so ill. Nevermind how wrong it is that Flynn is jumping with Rufus and I instead of Lucy. My job is to take down Rittenhouse so I'll do the mission. It's the right thing to do. What I'm trained to do. But deep inside I acknowledge that leaving Lucy feels wrong. Going on a mission without Lucy is wrong. But a good soldier always does the right thing and follows orders and I am nothing if not a good soldier.

XXXXXXXXXX

And what was right is wrong.

" _Hey, hey, you feeling any better?"_

I haven't seen Lucy in what feels like forever. I just really need to know that she is okay. I need to … I don't know.

" _I'm fine."_

She's not fine. Why the hell won't she look at me? That wall is still there and I hate it. Why won't she talk to me?

" _Hmm, Kennedy's intern and mistress Mimi Alfred said that he had a way of making a woman feel like she was the only one that mattered even when he was married to someone else."_

Ouch! Damn Lucy that hurts! Don't you think that's a little harsh? After the initial shock, I'm feeling twin points of hurt and anger deep in my gut. How can you compare me to that womanizer? It isn't, wasn't, I mean wasn't, like that between us. You know that, right?

" _Look, I'm sorry. I know this is really weird but I didn't have a choice. I couldn't take the chance …"_

And now I'm back to counting sins. Where Lucy's concerned the sins just keep coming. It's not enough to have abandoned her, now I'm doing some seriously f-ed up mansplaining to justify why I had to bring Jess to the bunker where Lucy will be forced to see us together. Hell, I don't even want to know what would have continued to come out of my mouth if Jess hadn't come around the corner just then. Because I still want Lucy to look at me like she used to. I can't stand this distance between us despite the fact that I know I put it there. Or rather forced Lucy to put it there. The feeling that I can't talk to her and tell her what's going on in my mind, in my heart, is agony. I know I should be telling Jess these these things. I try, I do. I know that's one of the steps to rebuilding my marriage but I feel like I have to force the words out with Jess. With Lucy, there is no thought, she just looks at me or smiles, and I find that I'm telling her things I'd never willingly discuss, things I barely acknowledge to myself. It's only right that I open up to Jess; work to build the same level of openness with her that I have with Lucy, it's just that if feels wrong.

XXXXXXXXXXX

" _Lucy, Thank you"_

" _For what?"_

" _Uh, Jessica's giving me a second chance and she said it was cause of you."_

And what was right is wrong.

I don't know what I'm doing. After feeling Lucy against me, however briefly, my brain just sort of short circuits for a minute. I am grateful, really I am but mostly I just want to try to re-establish communication with her.

" _Well, the history that you two have between you, it's special. And you deserve to finally be happy Wyatt."_

Lucy glances up but she won't really look at me and she still keeps herself closed off from me. What the hell is this finally crap? Doesn't she know that she makes, made me happy? I can't stand the idea of Lucy believing that. I stride forward to take her in my arms but stop when I remember that I can't. Still I can't leave it like this.

"I regret nothing."

I stand before her willing her to meet my gaze. Willing Lucy to see everything that I can't say in my eyes. Hoping she will know that my choice has nothing to do with her. Jess is my wife. I have to try to make my marriage work.

" _Me neither."_

It works, sort of. Lucy does meet my gaze. For a few seconds it's like everything is back the way it was before Jess came back. I almost think that Lucy understands but then the walls slam back down. I want to believe that she doesn't regret us but now she's closed herself off and her smile doesn't reach her eyes. I can't leave it like this.

" _Well, I'll see you around the bunker, babydoll."_

" _See you around the bunker, schweetheart."_

Babydoll. It seems so natural to call Lucy that. Lucy turns to go and again I want to follow her. I make myself turn around and walk back to the shower. It's the right thing. Still I can't help myself from turning to take one last look at Lucy. Why does it feel so wrong to watch her walking away from me.


End file.
